There have been reports that due to the unusual, but not unprecedented warm weather, Global Warning Sharks have been seen off the coast of the Bastard Isles. Instead of appreciating the fine break from the oppression of clouds, a secret hidden cult wants us to feel guilty and donate to them in the hope they can find a theoretical cure for the Earth Mothers cycle. This cannot be a good thing and is indeed very worrying. A Manchester correspondent tells us
'Rain is much wanted; the reservoirs of waterworks in Lancashire are getting very low, and unless rain comes speedily a scarcity of water will be severely felt'
some sources have even commented of a 'general cry of unprecedented drought'.
All the above quotes were taken from the drought of 1887-8 during a Golden Jubilee. Then, as now, the naysayers would have us believe that nothing of this kind has ever happened and we are all going to die of thirst. Whilst dying of thirst is entirely possible, it won't be from a lack of water but the fucking cost. A lack of planning by water companies and complete devotion to profit has been widely encouraged. Droughts come, droughts go as will this one. It is predictable, it runs in cycles and soon will come a day - so common in these Bastard Isles - when we pray not for rain but for the fucking rain to stop.
Here endeth the lesson.