Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Hybrid Jumping Global Warning Sharks vs Kraken*

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(**) not owned funded or linked in any way to Antipodean Beast Corp.
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye [Ancient Source]
Being a parody journalist/blogger, I'm not a believer in holding things in, such as a principles or facts as avid readers will know. However, as the Worlds Greatest [Comedy] Conspiracy Theorist [self proclaimed] I know that everything is connected to the Sun[god] and emissions - even shark shit - so I can understand how systems are important. Yet when your creative belief juices suffer mental constipation because you have sold out your soul and harm others around you it's time to let go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Then laugh.
As has now been established by scientific consensus at the GingerZilla Organisation for Research and Development in Science (GONADS), our Earth Mother is in great peril from the threat of solar flatulence.  These solar eruptions eject particles that can ignite our on contact with our atmosphere unless we pump more stop pumping gases. It has got so bad that these gases are affecting sharks. Researcher Jess Morgan studied sharks in Australia and found some new ones (iii) and was quoted as endorsing the belief that
the hybridization might be a sign that the animals are adapting to rising temperature levels as a result of climate change.
But when asked what she meant she replied

Quote not correct – I have now stated numerous times that it is extremely unlikely that climate change caused the hybridization event
Note how she has neither confirmed or denied that these sharks are related to the Kraken! To me this is the only logical explanation for an animal that has lived for millions of years through varying climate changes to decide to shag its neighbours (iii). It is ludicrous to suggest this has anything to do with dwindling food sources caused by greedy bastards nicking all the fish or the ominous threat of animal prostitution coming from the cold South.

These Hybrid Sharks, Hybrid Jumping Sh hybrid jumping global warning fucked up sharks look quite mean - as far as sharks go, because having been fucking terrified by Jaws I know when to fear something. My researchers at GONADS have looked into this phenomena and have found that these Global Warming Sharks were artificially engineered as far back in 1891 when Nikola Tesla created wireless energy transfer which enabled their deployment six years later in 1897 when Sharks were used to defend America's gold,. Behold
A [piss] artist's impression of the Global Warning Sharks defending against the Kraken
The creation on the right is what will happen if we do not keep him in the Mediterranean. 
Sources have led me to believe that the Kraken sent his offspring on a reconnaissance mission after hearing rumours of a Gold Rush. Due to an error with the Global Positioning Sharks, the Kraken's offspring made a wrong turn and ended up at the Golden Gate. 

Part of the problem with these hybridisation programmes - and we cannot rule out Dr. Evil here who tried to add 'fricking lasers' to sharks - is the unforeseen consequences of human mistakes
Subject to much bad press
"Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men"
This happened with the Killer Bees (iv) when they were picked and mixed. This inadvertently allowed them to awaken such a level of group think they collectively decided to persecute anyone they believed to be in league with the Killer Wasp and his cult of thieving honey bastards.

This is why I am worried that any contact with the Kraken, as opposed to his weaker offspring, will lead to the ultimate hybridisation and by the very nature of two species intermingling blow the theory of evolution back in Darwin's face. More worrying would be if nefariousness governments in middle earth were to gain hold of such technologies clearly they cannot even be trusted with democracy as it is too much for their primitive minds. This is apparently one of the side effects of having brown skin according to scientific and political theory.

Yet, this is about more than just science, although if I'm honest this has very little to do with science. Money is the root of all evil and the source of most of the shit in this world. The disciples of the money lenders - also known as money fundamentalists - are full of more shit and belief than most devout beliebers who can at least blame rampant youth and raging hormones for their hooded idiocy. The plethora of shit suggests a dietary problem which could benefit from a consultation from the Panda Pang Reduction Program (v) to increase roughage
Hybrid spawn of the Kraken
This colour change is an evolutionary adaptation to scare Daily Mail readers
My sources have revealed that the whole global warning thing is a sham to protect the world from the terrifying truth that denying the Kraken gold will cause Armageddon..To find their way the Kraken's spawn use the magnetic forces of the Sun[god] as it releases extra particles which interact with our atmosphere pushing holes and forcing cracks to appear. We must cut down on our emissions and clear the miasma, reportedly ranging from green to the more feared purple and reds that hangs over our earth
Green is never a good thing to inhale
Thomas Kast  Feb. 27, 2012
Finland  via @Spaceweather
Producing excessive amounts of gas is bad, as 'scientist' Randy Marsh from South Park, Colorado discovered. 

As Randy found, there are dangers of going to extremes Moderation and balance in the force must be maintained. Too much and we risk burning further holes in the sky, lowering our defences against the Death Star. Too little and stray particles could have devastating effects if unleashed upon the populace
Effects usually include tears streaming from the eyes, profuse coughing, exceptional nasal discharge that is full of mucus, burning in the eyes, eyelids, nose and throat areas, disorientation, dizziness and restricted breathing. [the effects of chemical gas warfare]
In the most far fetched but statistically plausible circumstances it could cause mass human combustion. Therfore the 'jam today and starvation tomorrow' approach to our aural spheres as championed by acolytes of terrible fucking lizards with no ancestral memory is insane. From their citadels they perverted solar cycle 21 with their rules of acquisition and have cast a mental miasma over us ever since. Lizards do not care about the Kraken and will destroy our earth by hoarding the gold for themselves.

Socrates was right when he said that the wisest man was one who admits he knows nothing
According to Plato's Apology, Socrates' life as the "gadfly" of Athens began when his friend Chaerephon asked the oracle at Delphi if anyone was wiser than Socrates; the Oracle responded that none was wiser. Socrates believed that what the Oracle had said was a paradox, because he believed he possessed no wisdom whatsoever. He proceeded to test the riddle by approaching men considered wise by the people of Athens—statesmen, poets, and artisans—in order to refute the Oracle's pronouncement. Questioning them, however, Socrates concluded that, while each man thought he knew a great deal and was wise, in fact they knew very little and were not wise at all. Socrates realized that the Oracle was correct, in that while so-called wise men thought themselves wise and yet were not, he himself knew he was not wise at all, which, paradoxically, made him the wiser one since he was the only person aware of his own ignorance. [Wikipedia]

Ignore those with sacred vested ones who promote apocalyptic visions designed to make us see through the eyes of fear not love. Sadly all sides of this earth know fear but know nothing of love or laughter.

* By virtue of the Borg like quality of assimilating enemies, it is recorded the Kraken to be victor. 
(iii) that is the problem with sleeping with the neighbours, especially non ginger ones who are adapted to the north.
(iv) not to be confused with Anthrax and the Attack of the Killer B's 
(v) ethics compel me to disclose that I receive a six percent administration fee for all Panda related activities  (vi)
(vi) It has been pointed out that disclosing funding imbalances sources is at best impolite and at worse a sacrilege possibly worthy of a death sentence. However, I am finding this confusing if I'm honest. On the one hand we have the heart warming stories that non believers in the Kraken are being exposed as deniers of the true religion because there is so much money at stake. Believers require many millions more to crush the non believers and make sure they stay underfoot. 

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