Scotland to be Privatised*

Wanted for Crimes Against the Union
Links with far right?

"Alas, I have often said to myself what are the boasted advantages which my country reaps from a certain Union that counterbalance the annihilation of her Independence, and even her name !" 

Scotland, a place where there are twice as many Panda's as there are Conservative Members of Parliament, may be punished for the indiscretion of A Salmon as dark forces threaten to tear the union apart. Rumours have circulated about affairs and rumours persist that our former friends in the North are conspiring with those even further North. Even if these rumours are found to be just that - rumours - sources have said they may just privatise Scotland to bind them to the Union as it would offend God to break the union, and  let's face it, it's only fair that someone makes a profit. As it is, one set of two-timing bastards have accused the other half** of vile things and expect them to lie down and take the abuse. However asking any Scot to lie down and think of England is hardly going to get them in the mood for getting into bed, especially, as history tells us, when there's no gold involved.

The trail separation only entrenched differences as the continuing hostile attitudes of one party made any attempt at reconciliation impossible. This dire situation led to a flurry of allegation and counter allegation with each citing elements of the law - although it is was soon clear one party was only interested in their own welfare rather than that of their dependants, or anyone else. The failure to heed the warnings from the past or indeed the wise words of their forefathers led one to say

"No man holds his flesh and blood in hatred, and I am no exception. I must join my own people and the nation in whom I was born."

This is something that those who have pledged their allegiance to the Ferengi Overlords have failed to comprehend. However, that Darlings having divided loyalties is nothing new

The will of the people, even when they speak with a decisive voice is, I am reliably informed, nothing more than the voice of an ill informed rabble. The consensus of most politicians in these Bastard Isles is that the people do not know what is best for them. It is a policy used the world over and I know from reading the press that the natives in Muslim countries are backward, needing to be taught a thing or two about democracy. People are supposed to vote as told and are not supposed to speak up nor make decisions in what they believe is their best interests. This is, of course, the case with Scotland as Darling explained in his best condescending tone

"let us get on to the merits of the argument because the sooner we treat people in Scotland like the grown-ups we are and we have a proper discussion about that the better it will be." 

Even  former yellow Sir Menzies Campbell, also born in the far inhospitable North, tried to remind the imbecilic public that:

"independence isn't just for Christmas. This is asking people to make a decision to bring to an end 300 years of constitutional arrangements to the Kraken.

The 1999 Tithe kept the Kraken at bay
Will independence threat bring him back in 2012?

Although such fighting talk may stir up the locals (besides the heinous crime of pint spillage), the Ferengi overlords are worried that the voice of the people will find a voice and sanctions have not been ruled out at this stage. Nor for that matter have bombs, including the nuclear kind. Led by Lizard Dave forces are uniting against our naughty, disruptive neighbours who are seeking to distract us from paying the tithe and even worse are threatening to shirk their tithe payments as well as greedily taking 90% of our oil revenue. According to Smiffy, who is still weeping for the late Colonel, countries have been invaded for this kind of fighting talk. Yet despite the gravity of this situation, I am far more worried about how this will affect the Kraken once the waters warm up in late spring and he heads back towards his Northern abode in the North Atlantic.

At the end of the last century the Kraken threatened Scotland and had to be appeased by annexing six thousand miles of the Scottish North Sea as compensation a negotiated Tithe payment, the profits of which were promised by the City to be used to purchase gold. After some haggling, a price was agreed and it is no coincidence that the miserable Scottish Cyclops - in charge of the countries purse strings at the time - handed over the gold quicker than a government pull out. Whilst some have bemoaned this sell off, the Cyclops was right to be scared from the treat from the Kraken. Had we not needlessly spent our funds on the Welfare of the State then we would not be facing the immense threat that we now do from the Kraken. Some sources have suggested that despite his soothing words confirming his commitment to the union, his actions in selling the gold show where his heart lays;

What force or guile could not subdue,
Thro' many warlike ages,
Is wrought now by a coward few,
For hireling traitors' wages.
The English steel we could disdain,
Secure in valor's station;
But English gold has been our bane,
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

Instead of considering this, the so called brave people*** of the north moan about a family squabble 700 long years ago. They also refer to 300 years of protection from the Kraken as a form of binding slavery to an alleged southern fiefdom.

Looking back, as the curtain drew upon the last century (suspiciously close to the gates of the fabled City), I was able to witness with my own eyes a ginger warrior of the tartan army crying following the expected but devastating defeat of their forces. This warrior was so inconsolable that he didn't even hear the battle hymn Smiffy and I sang to him taunted him with. For those of an extreme Northern disposition, discretion is required for this video as it is quite graphic:

Despite all these glaring facts and the apparent worry of being Northern, the Scottish are an integral part of these Bastard Isles, we can forgive them if they roll over and repent. They may have won the First War of Scottish Independence, but that didn't really count as it was a bunch of cousins having a scrap. When it came to the importance of signing papers we own their asses and always will. They have lost many times since then, yet despite a litany of defeat are still standing. It is a testament to the character of their Celtic blood, inspired no doubt by being predominantly Ginger, that was displayed so well by Red Bob. However, a far more important battle is coming and we must unite even though we face seemingly insurmountable odds. As that great Scot Mel Gibson said in the most historically accurate movie of all time

Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

Scots, wha hae

Original lyrics in Scots 'Scots, wha hae wi Wallace bled, Scots, wham Bruce has aften led, Welcome tae yer gory bed, Or tae victorie.	English translation 'Scots, who have with Wallace bled, Scots, whom Bruce has often led, Welcome to your gory bed Or to victory.	Scottish Gaelic translation Fheachd Alba, thug le Uallas buaidh, 'Stric fo Bhrus bha'n cogadh cruaidh, Failte dhuibh gu fois na h-uaigh, No gu buaidh is sith.
'Now's the day, an now's the hour: See the front o battle lour, See approach proud Edward's power - Chains and Slaverie.	'Now is the day, and now is the hour: See the front of battle lower (threaten), See approach proud Edward's power - Chains and slavery.	So an latha—an uair so tha, Feuch fo'n cruaidh a nuas mar sgail, Feachd na h-uaill fo Ionbhar dan, 'Dheanamh thraillean dinn.
'Wha will be a traitor knave? Wha will fill a coward's grave? Wha sae base as be a slave? Let him turn an flee.	'Who will be a traitor knave? Who will fill a coward's grave? Who's so base as be a slave? - Let him turn, and flee.	Co na shloightear, feallta, fuar? Co na ghealtar dh'iarradh uaigh? Co na thraill fo shail luchd-fuath? Clis bi bhuam fhir-chlith.
'Wha, for Scotland's king and law, Freedom's sword will strongly draw, Freeman stand, or Freeman fa, Let him on wi me.	'Who for Scotland's King and Law Freedom's sword will strongly draw, Freeman stand or freeman fall, Let him follow me.	Co as leth a Thir, sa Coir Thairneas staillinn chruaidh na dhorn? Buaidh an aird, no bas le gloir! Lean a dheoin do Righ.
'By Oppression's woes and pains, By your sons in servile chains! We will drain our dearest veins, But they shall be free.	'By oppression's woes and pains, By your sons in servile chains, We will drain our dearest veins But they shall be free.	Air ar bruid fo shluagh neo-chaomh, Air bhur n' al an sas san daors, Traighidh sinn ar fuil 's an raon, Bheir sinn saors' d'ar linn.
'Lay the proud usurpers low, Tyrants fall in every foe, Liberty's in every blow! - Let us do or dee.	'Lay the proud usurpers low, Tyrants fall in every foe, Liberty is in every blow, Let us do or die!'	Sios na coimhich bhorb gur bas! 'Streath gun iochd- gach ceann thig bhain, Saorsa thig an lorg gach straic. Buaidh no- bas ma'n till.

* According to some sources, if they continue with their vile threats for Independence Scotland will be experimented on again just like under the last blue regime. No one has confirmed if this involves genetically modified Salmon [I don't do spelling mistakes they are all accidentally on purpose].
** Wales doesn't count, unless you are Welsh. I have learned this after many years of being subjected to the English media. I often wonder if Wales really exists. I also know from sources that Sheep cannot be trusted 
***Blue sources have said they are brave not by their character but because they are stupid enough to live in the harsh rugged lands where it snows a lot, where there is no sun for much of the year and where the wind blows hard showing even God doesn't like them.