Tuesday, 24 January 2012

#OccupyTuesday: A Letter to my Old Age Stalker*

4th Double Monday of the Mighty 12
*A letter to my stalker in the hopes it will appease him. I do not want the old people realising my policy proposals are not satire. This small font is one small way of combating them and, like governments, treating them like mushrooms by keeping them in the dark and in the shit. The only bad part of keeping them in the dark is they have more money towards winter fuel payments and less die as planned. There is however the plus side which is the energy companies can recoup some of the vast amounts these scroungers scam from them every winter by wearing extra jumpers and hiding under blankets.

Dear Les, 

I didn't know they were after the Acropolis** as the cost of export would be prohibitive with rising fuel costs despite the recent plunder of Carthage.
I had however heard from Maximus that they were haggling with the Greek Tithe masters in the hope of gaining a few Islands since Greece hasn't got anything else of worth these days. This is shown by the massive increase in children being left with priests – the mind boggles. The Catholic Church in this country (and many others over the pond I hear) have been praying for such moments of deliverance (Ah blesssshh you my schunl) and could well be behind the austerity crashing of our economy. It could also be people wanting to pay astronomical prices for a bit of deconstructed steak and kidney pie a la Masterchef. I keep saying these people lack imagination. Imagine how much gold such money could buy and how happy the Kraken would be. The Greeks used to know how to appease him until the Romans under Senators such as Biggus Dickus led them astray.
Alas, such elusive economic strains are beyond the feeble minds of us mere mortals.

The anti-smoking smoking stance you speak of reminds me of the racism outrages in the Bastard Isles. You are not allowed to say certain words because that is racist, whereas blowing the holy crap out of brown people is defending freedom from French fries – as is owning shares in companies that increase deficits and body parts. All we can but do is bleed – I hear blood is great for the ratings if Zombies are anything to go by.

Yours GingerZilla

** Update Day after 4th Double Monday of the Mighty 12

Les sent a letter, published, to the NYT suggesting the Acropolis was being sold off. I am scared that someone so old has such predictive power and access to sources Behold:
"This is what it has come to in Greece: the Acropolis, the quintessential symbol of Greek culture and identity, could soon become a popular destination for fashion photographers and Hollywood producers, as cultural officials look for ways to raise money to make up for cuts in public financing." [NYT 23rd Jan 2012]

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